she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
