and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize