so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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