You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am never drinking with the goths again.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize