i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
