if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
