I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
