i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You can't just leave with hair like that
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
