The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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