Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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