pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
