fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
