I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
