I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
