If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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