hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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