Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
