what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
His hands were made for my vagina.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
