How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
