I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
bring money and cleavage
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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