So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
