So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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