My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
