im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
