Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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