Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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