I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
