Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
