You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i now understand why vodka
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
