batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize