Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
