I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
