I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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