Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
