i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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