FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
