Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
