I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
