We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
