I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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