I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I would fuck him just for his dog
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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