on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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