This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
