Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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