So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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