dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My cat gives me a boner
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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