No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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