OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
