i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
