dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
