my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize