we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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