Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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