Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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