I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
3 2 1 whiskey
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
