You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
