some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
