so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
