There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
