nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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