He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
sarcasm needs its own font
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
