I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
What a dumb baby whore.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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