Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
