Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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