he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
