Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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