she was so not down for the gang bang
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize