So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
